"The Days"

Dinnertime around here is my favorite time! It's a time that I really look forward to, because we all get to be together. Since Hubby got his new job, there have only been a few times that we haven't had dinner as a family, which wasn't the case with his former positions.

There have been studies that say sitting down to eat dinner together as a family at least 3 times a week lowers the chances that your children will drink alcohol, use drugs, or break most rules. My kids are young, but I want them to know that we care about them. That no matter how busy our day is, we are willing to listen to them, and they are the most important part of our lives. Raising kids is stressful. It's hard, and it seems unending (someone please tell me it gets at least a little easier)! There are so many things that parents need to teach their children. Things that are easier, like tying shoe laces (not easy to teach when your 5 year old doesn't want to pay attention), reading, writing, numbers, and colors. Then there are things that seem to the world to be harder. I say this, because so many kids are not being taught these things. The Golden Rule, clean up after yourself, say please and thank you, inside voice vs outside voice, helping others, helping yourself, and be responsible. I believe that we are all born good. After all we are created in the "likeness and image" of God! God MAKES us good, and our parents (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, family members, guardians, etc) RAISE us to BE good!

This is why dinnertime is so special to me. See we have a little question and answer time that have with our kids. Someone gets to start "The Days" as my kids call it. Usually one of the kids asks us if they can start, and it goes something like this:
Little Man: "Tiny, how was your DAY?"
Tiny: "Good!" (Or if the answer is bad, we ask why, and how we can make tomorrow better)(They can answer anything they want, long, crazy, boring, fun, etc)
Little Man: "What was your FAVORITE part?"
Tiny: "Dad coming home!" (This is usually their answer, but they can again answer anything they want. Last night the missionaries ate with us, and Baby Girl said her favorite part of the day was having them over. Tiny will sometimes tell us that it is "This amazing meal!")
Little Man: "What are you THANKFUL for?"
Tiny: "My Mommy!" (We ask the kids to come up with something different than what they said the day before, so we get some interesting ones! Once it was the dinner table!)
Little Man: How did you HELP someone today?
Tiny: I helped Mommy pick up the clothes and put them in the laundry. (This one is harder, but since we added this question, I see my kids looking for ways to help people, because they know they are going to have to tell us about it at dinner!)
Little Man: What is one thing you LIKE about YOURSELF?
Tiny: I like my smile. (Last night it was his flips, Little Man liked that he can run fast, and Baby Girl likes her face!)

After Little Man finishes asking Tiny, Tiny gets to ask someone else. Everyone gets a chance to talk to everyone else. Sometimes things they say can lead to a story, like what led up to them helping someone, or why they like a particular thing about themselves. We like to add things to what they say too, and we tell them about our day as well. Our kids get ready for bed after dinner, and go to sleep soon after, so it is helpful for them to focus on all the good things that happened in their day, but have a chance to talk about things that maybe weren't so good.

Before school got out, Little Man would often tell us part of his day was bad, but the rest was good. We would talk about what made his day bad, and it was usually something to do with someone at school not sharing, or not wanting to play a certain game, and then we would talk about how to make the next day better. He would feel important because we talked to him, and treated him like he was responsible and smart, and we would feel like he trusted us enough to open up to us about what may seem like a small problem now, but in his eyes was big and affected his whole day. Hopefully as time goes on, he still shares things like this with us!

When we are visiting family, or like last night, when someone is visiting us, we still ask about "The Days". One of the kids start, and they usually ask a guest or someone that doesn't live with us. The first time someone hears the questions, they are always taken by surprise. They always get a shocked look on their face, and usually laugh and say things like, "Wow! These are tough questions!" Or, "I really have to think about this one!" The kids all have the questions memorized and will not just ask the questions, but they will listen and respond to the answers. Asking questions, and being genuinely interested in the answers given. It is amazing to watch Baby Girl at 3 years old have a relatively grown up conversation with someone she doesn't know.

While we are just asking "The Days" to our kids, we are teaching them a few important lessons. We are teaching them that they need to be interested in the world around them. Be considerate of others, and when you talk to them, look them in the eye, give them your full attention, listen, and respond. We are teaching them to be thankful for unique things that they have been blessed with. Since they cannot just say the same thing everyday, they come up with things that Hubby and I wouldn't normally think of (i.e. the dinner table). We are teaching them to look for opportunities to serve. We don't ask them how they helped someone to let them boast about how awesome they are (even though they are awesome!), but to have them learn to see when others need help and offer it without being asked. We are teaching them to love themselves! This is something that is important in today's world, because there are so many things and people that say, "You aren't good enough." "You don't measure up." "You need to change this and this and this about yourself." But we are teaching our kids to love themselves as they are. GOD MADE THEM GOOD!

Every once in a while we will add to the question list. Little Man has contributed a few times. Asking these questions sometimes makes our dinnertime long. Sometimes our food gets cold while we are asking or answering questions. Sometimes everyone is done eating before we've all had a chance to talk about our day. Sometimes dinner is really short, because no one has much to say. Our kids look forward to it just as much as I do. They like to be involved in our family life. They like that they get to talk with the grown ups. I like that I get to talk with them. I like that we all get to focus on the good in our lives. We all get to focus on serving. We get to focus on our family!

What would happen if everyone sat down to dinner as a family just 3 times a week, and had open conversations like this? Maybe family dinner wouldn't be an anomaly, it would be the norm!