Challenges

Before Hubby's first surgery we had to fight with multiple doctors to even get one to take us seriously. We started with an ER doctor that referred us to a local Cardiologist. We went to him, and didn't feel like we were getting anywhere, so we switched to the only other Cardiologist in our small town. After meeting with him a few times, we convinced him to refer us to a Cardiologist about an hour away. We were pretty lucky to get in to see him pretty quickly, and he finally listened to us! We were able to get his surgery scheduled pretty quickly after that, and once he had the surgery, our lives started getting better! He had his surgery in June 2008, we had Little Man in August 2008, and Hubby went back to work in September 2008. So from May 2008 to September 2008, we had what we thought was the fight of our lives! When I look back at it, it doesn't seem like that long. I mean 4 months, not too bad, right?! But in those moments that we didn't know what was going to happen, that everything was up in the air, and nothing was certain, it felt like the end of the world.

Everyday we face challenges, maybe they aren't to the scale of the one Hubby and I faced, but they are there. Doesn't it feel like you are all alone sometimes? Doesn't it feel like no one really cares? Doesn't it feel like it will never end? I'm here to tell you that it does end. You aren't alone. And someone really cares. I know that God is always with us.

This is something that I have had to learn over and over again! In my last post, I talked about how I felt alone while fighting depression. I have felt alone many times, and it is so much easier to say that you aren't alone, someone knows and it will all end, than to actually feel that way during hard times. Believe me, I know! I have been thinking a lot about the atonement lately, and recently read a series of books that focused on Christ's years ministering. When Christ was in Gethsemane, he suffered for all of our sins, but he also felt all of our feelings. How amazing is that? He is uniquely qualified to empathize with us and for us, because he has literally felt all of our feelings. 

During the beginning of Hubby's sickness, I felt like we were living our lives right, and now we were being punished. I was so angry! I wanted nothing more than to make Hubby better, to have a healthy baby, and to return to our "normal" lives. I was going to church, I was praying, I was reading my scriptures. What more did I need to do? Honestly, the thoughts going through my mind during that time were not very good. I felt more anger at that time, than I ever had in my life. I broke down to Hubby in the middle of all of this. I had been feeling like I needed to be strong, that I couldn't show my emotions, and that I couldn't open up to anyone. After talking to Hubby I felt so much better! I learned a very important lesson that day. "But when ye pray, use not vain ^arepetitions," (Matthew 6:7) I had been praying, but I kept praying for the same thing. For Hubby to get better, for our lives to go back to what they were before. I started praying more earnestly, and asking for help learning what I needed to learn during this trial and that I would have the strength that I needed and that Hubby needed to make it through everything better than I was when I started. 

Slowly the anger faded, and changed to acceptance and understanding. Everything that my little family has faced has been for our good. We wouldn't be where we are today without them. When you face a challenge, try to remember that you aren't alone. Jesus Christ knows exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. He loves you. He knows you by name! Think about that. HE KNOWS YOUR NAME! He knows your likes, your dislikes, your personality. He knows you! Don't hesitate to tell someone how you feel. PRAY! Speak your mind, tell your Father in Heaven you are angry. Tell him your thoughts, your concerns, and your fears. Things do get better. We always say at our house that we have been at rock bottom. We've been there, we've done that, and we survived! There isn't anywhere you can go but up!